beautiful things

God is AWESOME!! i feel the need to shout that from the rooftops today. {it is of course true everyday, i just see ample evidence of it in my email.}

a few weeks back, i wrote about some more stress in my life causing me to again doubt God's abilities. {why do i do that?} i referenced matt 6:25-34. that passage hits home again today, but for very different reasons. among the financial stress i have going on in life at the moment, i have -- much like the average american college student today -- student loans i'm paying on. {and will probably pay on for the rest of my life. i think i could buy a house for as much as i'll have paid for my education.} for different reasons, my loan paybacks went up starting in september. i was under the impression they would not until next september. clearly, i was mistaken. in the midst of several panic attacks and i'm sure some new gray hairs i have {the monthly bills more than doubled}, i applied for a payment lowering thing {the good kind, not the kind that hurt your credit}, not really expecting to get it, since that's what i'd been on to begin with and had just ended. after dropping it in the mail, i came back home and told God basically that i did my part and either He better take care of it or come up with some extra monthly income, cause i simply did not have the extra cash.

last monday rolled around, no word. wednesday, i got the email that they'd automatically withdrawn the payment {all those digits...}. today, i had an email that i had a "new document to be viewed on my account". {why do they word it like that? why don't they just say what they're talking about? security my eye.} with baited breath i opened it. {i know, i know, you're on pins and needles, right?} my payments have been readjusted back to the original amount. {yay!} so basically, i made one month's really large payment. and the heck of it is, i'd gotten several unexpected incomes this month that took care of the overage on my budget {+ chinese food. it was a pretty exciting night.}. it's like -- AGAIN -- God was testing me. {shocker.}

so while i was out walking riley, i talked to God {i frequently do, as He's better conversation than riley.} and told Him how grateful i was, though i wish He maybe would have sped things up a bit. and there it was again. that voice. "I needed you to see that it was Me. I saved you, not you. I put up the roadblock, and then I took it away. I took care of you, as I will always take care of you. Got it?" {maybe i should stop telling people i hear voices...} it's almost like God thinks i'm hard-headed. i don't know why...

but what i do know is that any time in the Bible that God repeats something it must be important. the only conclusion i can draw then is that this must be important. i have to learn to let go...

in fact, do you ever get that feeling you're just on the brink of something? like, you're standing on the edge of a cliff with a rope and harness just waiting for that moment when your belayer gives you the okay to jump the edge? that's kind of my life at the moment. {as fate would have it, that seems to be a running theme amongst my friends at the moment.} unlike them, i am not looking for a career change. in fact, right now, that seems to be the only given in my life. i love my job, and i know i'm where God wants me. however, i seem to be in the midst of an interesting transitional phase. i've found a new church home that i love and am enjoying getting involved in. i've made several new friends that i'm slowly getting to know. i've pretty much decided i'm gonna be looking for a new place when my lease comes up, so that should be interesting. and i feel as though i'm standing on the brink of something huge, just waiting for the fog to clear. i know God's timing is perfect, but i wish His were just a little bit quicker...{"dude, I like invented time." -- another God quote from my walk today.} i know God's growing me for something epic. i'm even a little excited...and scared...

i'll leave you with a song that's pretty much been my life story of late. LOVE this song, and LOVE gungor. {if you don't know 'em, go check out their music. :)} this is "beautiful things".



{2 cor 5:14, 17}