here i sit, stressing again. for no real reason. the car situation has been taken care of {by God, of course -- not me}. and, while i'm under financial strain at the moment, honestly, who isn't? God will take care of me, and i know it.
so, what's my problem? my brain. it's constant. my logical side will not shut off and let go. it feels the need to nag me, point out my flaws, where i've gone wrong in the past and where i'm sure to struggle in the future. and it's me. it's not satan. it's my personal battle -- day to day. some struggle with the logic of the Bible vs. science. i've never had that issue. the logic of creationism and the beauty of mathematics in the natural universe more than convinces me of a Divine Creator. some struggle with the logic of love -- why/how a perfect God could love them. not me. i'm not positive why He loves me, but i understand enough working with children and being mommy to my puppy to understand a parent's love is {should be} absolute and unchanging based on behavior. of course our Creator and model Parent will love us always and no matter what. my struggle is control. i have the hardest time giving up control. my heart knows God can and will handle my life better than me, but in the back of my mind, my brain likes to bring up the worldly problems that will arise to cause me to fail.
you know the expression, "ignorance is bliss"? well, i'm convinced that this is not only true, it's proof that dumb people have an easier time trusting God. seriously. meanwhile i sit here literally worrying myself sick. if only i were dumber...
why can't i just let it go. half the things bugging me are not only entirely beyond my control, they are something that won't affect me any time soon. really, i think i might be psychotic.
maybe i'm the only one who struggles with this issue {though i doubt it}. anyways, i thought i'd get a temporary break from this lesson. it seems that was a premature assessment...
{matthew 6:25-34}
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